


Finding Happiness

by forgetmenotjimmy



Series: Safe [2]
Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Light BDSM, Male-Female Friendship, Non-Sexual Submission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 10:29:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16742308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetmenotjimmy/pseuds/forgetmenotjimmy
Summary: Sylvie spread a thick blanket on the floor next to the couch. Matt shivered at the sight of it. He took a deep breath and then went over, kneeling at her feet. She smiled and cupped his face.“Ready?”





	Finding Happiness

October 2016

_Chicken Parmesan. 6 portions. Ready for 7pm tonight. Wear the grey button down and comfortable slacks._

Matt read the text and then mentally ran over the recipe. He’d need to go to the store but he had plenty of time.

_Yes, ma’am._

He typed back and then glanced around the apartment. Whilst not overly dirty or cluttered, he hadn’t dusted or vacuumed since last time. He added cleaning to his to-do list. He could do it whilst the chicken was in the oven. After mentally planning his afternoon, he left to go to the store, nerves tingling in anticipation.

6:55pm. The chicken was almost ready. The apartment was clean and tidy and he was dressed as instructed. He’d gone over his mental checklist a dozen times, feeling a little better the more times he confirmed to himself that he hadn’t missed anything. It had been a long month. The doorbell rang and he jumped to open it.

“Hi.” He greeted her almost shyly, ducking his head slightly.

“Evening.” Sylvie replied, looking beautiful even in her casual clothes and minimal make-up. He invited her in and she took a deep breath in through nose. “Smells amazing.” He preened a little as he helped with her coat.

“I never get any complaints. What would you like to drink?” He knew her taste and had her favourite white in the fridge, but it was polite to ask. She smiled.

“The usual, please.” They shared a pleasant meal, talking about their days, family and friends outside of 51. They’d decided early on to keep both parts of their lives firmly separate. They didn’t talk about the firehouse outside it and they were strictly friendly and professional at work. When they finished, Matt cleared away and divided the leftovers into containers as Sylvie spread a thick blanket on the floor next to the couch. Matt shivered at the sight of it. He took a deep breath and then went over, kneeling at Sylvie’s feet.

Her face was still and neutral until he corrected his positioning, taking pressure off his knees. Then she smiled and cupped his face. His eyes fluttered shut at her touch and he concentrated on letting go of all the tension from his body. This made him sway a little and he opened his eyes as he righted himself, blushing slightly. Slyvie waited patiently, gaze steady and serene as if she were a Buddhist monk. Matt calmed his agitation and the familiar warmth filled his mind. He was safe now; nothing bad could happen to him here. He nodded and murmured.

“Ready.” Sylvie stroked his face and showed him a small bar of chocolate.

“Would you like some?”

“Yes, please.” She broke off a piece and ordered gently.

“Hands.” He obeyed eagerly, putting them behind his back, left hand loosely holding his right wrist. Awarding him with another smile, she fed him the piece. “Let it melt on your tongue a minute.” He did so, enjoying the minty flavour, and looked up at her attentively. She ate a piece herself before offering him another. Matt stayed on his knees quite happily as they went through the bar, sinking deeper and deeper into this special kind of bliss. Eventually, the bar was finished and Sylvie deposited the wrapper on the coffee table. “Do you need to talk about anything?”

The first few times, she’d made the mistake of asking if he _wanted_ to talk. Even in subspace, Matt found it difficult to express himself in words. Sylvie tried to allow him as many physical outlets as possible, but some things needed to be said.

They had to be careful though. There were so many potential landmines in Matt’s past. They’d discovered that too painful a memory or emotion could snap him out of subspace without warning, sometimes even dropping him. Whilst they’d managed to work through some of his lingering issues from Andy and Hallie’s deaths, delving any further back in his past would usually end badly. Sylvie still felt guilty about the nights she’d spent holding him as he’d shook minutely, stammering apologies in between short bouts of troubled sleep. She understood why no one had given her a head’s up on Matt’s traumatic childhood even as she wished that someone had anyway. After that, they decided to stick to current topics or problems. As long as he was generally feeling safe and happy in his life, there was no need to go digging up the past.

“I think I should talk to Kelly about Andy.” Sylvie raised an eyebrow and he self-corrected. “No, I want to talk to him.” She squeezed his shoulder in a signal of solidarity and approval; they’d worked hard to get Matt to bump his own needs up his list of priorities, especially whilst in this space. Sylvie ordered softly.

“Up.” She moved to sit at the end of couch as Matt rose, shaking out his limbs a little. Then he climbed up, lying on his side with his head in her lap. After they both finished getting comfortable, her hand returned to his soft hair, stroking a slow, soothing rhythm. After a while, she hummed enquiringly, which he took as his cue.

“It all happened so long ago, but it wasn’t until I talked to you that I realised that we’ve never…we’ve never even mentioned it.” He took in a sharp breath, adding unhappily. “Except to blame each other.” Sylvie added some light scratches to the back of his head to stop him from falling into pit of self-blame. They’d already established that he’d likely always blame himself at least a little, no matter what anyone said or how much time passed. It was just who he was. The most they could do now was minimise the impact of that on the rest of his life. Suitably distracted, he went on. “It’s weird…there was this wall between us. Every time I saw him, it was like looking through the wrong end of a telescope. He was always so far away. Then suddenly it vanished. After Hallie…” He sighed, burrowing his forehead a little further into his lap. Sylvie kept up her slow and steady strokes.

“You want to do this for him or for you?” She asked carefully, well aware that his desire to help other people often clashed with self-care.

“For both of us.” He said firmly. She did smile then.

“I think it’s a good idea.” They talked a little about how best to do it, when and where, what Matt might say. Sylvie was careful with her words, only making suggestions and not orders. Her authority didn’t extend beyond their time together; she didn’t want to interfere with the rest of his life. They stayed like that for a long time, until Sylvie’s arm got tired. “Matt.” She called softly. He stirred and she swiped his forehead with her thumb. “Time to wake up now.” It took a few seconds, but then he breathed in deeply and blinked. Sitting up, he spent a few minutes adjusting to the change in position and mentality. Sylvie waited patiently and was rewarded by Matt’s customary blush as he came to and was embarrassed by what they’d done. Despite the amount of times they’d already done this, he never failed to flush and she never failed to smile kindly and kiss him on the forehead.

He got up and retrieved her coat and bag, as well as a portion of the leftovers. Knowing his lack of motivation for cooking only for himself, she always insisted he made extra to keep him from surviving on junk. At the door she turned and said firmly.

“Call me if you need to.” Apart from the times in which he’d desperately needed it, she didn’t stay the night. They were friends and although they both enjoyed their sessions, a few hours a month were all they needed. After Gabby had left, they’d found themselves growing closer and right from the start, they’d both been careful not to ruin their friendship. Neither had dated since the arrangement had begun but Sylvie had said there was no point worrying about that bridge until they came to it. In response to her insistence, Matt smiled shyly.

“I promise.” Squeezing his hand, Sylvie leaned in to kiss his cheek and then took her leave. Matt lingered in the doorway, making sure she got into her car and away alright. Then he went straight to bed and slept soundly all night.

…

               “Hey, uh...” Matt hesitated, suddenly tongue-tied as Severide took his time looking up from his paperwork. It had been a quiet shift so far, but Matt had needed most of the day to work up the nerve to knock on his friend’s door. Severide met his gaze, expression curious and Matt forced himself to say. “You doing anything after shift?” Severide considered.

“I don’t have any firm plans, why?”

“Was wondering if you wanted to get breakfast someplace. I uh, want to talk to you about something.” Kelly put down his pen and clasped his hands together, a small incredulous smile on his face.

“ _You_ want to talk?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Matt rolled his eyes at the joke. Kelly’s smile deepened but he just shook his head and said.

“Okay. There’s a good place near me.” Matt smiled and left. Phase One: complete.

18 hours later, sitting across his best friend, Matt didn’t feel as optimistic. Before they’d even looked at the menus, he’d blurted.

“It’s about Andy.” That immediately got Kelly’s back up; he tensed and his jaw twitched. When Matt didn’t go on, he prompted roughly.

“Well?” Trying and failing to recapture the calm and confidence he felt with Sylvie’s warm presence above him, Matt swallowed.

“We never really talked about it.” Severide seemed to understand that ‘it’ encompassed not only Andy’s death but all the ugliness after. The waitress came over and Matt ordered a coffee, holding his breath to see whether Kelly would follow suit or just leave. Avoiding Matt’s gaze, Kelly grunted an order and when the waitress was out of earshot snapped.

“There’s nothing to say.”

“I’ve been seeing a therapist.” That took Kelly aback. He blinked and Matt swallowed. Sylvie had agreed to the cover story though she trusted his judgement. If he felt comfortable telling Kelly the full story, that would be fine with her too. “She’s really helped me deal with a lot of things, and when you came up…”

“You talked about me?” Thankfully, Kelly sounded more curious than angry, probably still reeling from the revelation, though some resentment and grief still lingered on his face.

“You’re important to me. My best friend. After Andy…when we weren’t…” he waved a hand, “that was the worst time of my life.” They both knew that was saying something. “At least when Hallie died,” his breath hitched but he forced himself to go on, “you were around.” Guilt flashed across Kelly’s face and Matt went on softly. “I was never really angry at you, but I don’t know why you...what changed.” Their coffees were brought, Kelly using the time to think over his response. When they were alone again he sighed, saying reluctantly.

“I don’t blame you, I never did. I was just angry and…failing to deal with my emotions, as usual.” He squared his jaw and confessed. “Truth is, every time I saw you, I would remember that Andy was gone.” He reached for his coffee, mumbling before he took a sip. “That was on me.” Matt nodded, feeling a little lighter. Putting his cup down, Kelly said bluntly. “I was a dick, I’m sorry.” Letting out a breath, Matt couldn’t help but smile a little with relief.

“I’m sorry too.” A weight had been lifted and they both drank their coffees in a comfortable silence until Kelly smirked.

“So…a therapist, huh? How’d that happen?” Matt’s stomach began to twist as he began nonchalantly.

“I was talking to Sylvie after Gabby left and she said maybe I should see someone, work through some of my boatload of issues.” It didn’t really need mentioning that through subsequent conversations they’d agreed to start their unorthodox arrangement, both as a stress reliever and casual therapy for him. Kelly shook his head incredulously but his smile deepened.

“Well, I never thought I’d see the day, but I’m happy for you, man.” They chatted for a while about other things before going their separate ways. Matt texted Sylvie a smiley face and she replied with an even bigger one. Putting his phone away, Matt froze on the sidewalk. He suddenly realised that he was happy. Happier than he’d been in a long time. Huh, maybe there was something to be said about this submissive thing after all.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was born from Season 7, ep 2 when Sylvie was ordering Matt around. I suddenly thought, what if it wasn’t just her being pissed but a bdsm relationship. Try as I might though, I just can’t picture them together romantically and I hope they don’t do that on the show. I’m really digging their friendship scenes together and hope it continues; with Gabby gone, Matt literally just has Boden and Severide as close friends so he needs someone else in his corner, especially for romantic advice – I loooooved that scene with drunk!Sylvie and amused!Matt, give me more!
> 
> I'm planning two more parts in this series (part 2: how Matt and Sylvie reached their arrangement and what happened between Matt&Gabby, part 3: Sylvie realises Matt and Kelly are in love and plays matchmaker)
> 
> Let me know if any tags are missing and any feedback in general, thanks for reading!  
> :D


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